Spoiler Warning! If you haven’t seen the movie yet, go watch it first!
First off, let me just say that the movie was SO. FUCKING. GOOD. The animation sequences, writing, and, of course, the music. You better believe I have that album on loop, 24-fucking-7.
All that said, I’m gonna have to split this little review into three parts. There’s just too much to talk about to put into one post. So let’s start with Spinel.
Spinel’s history of being abandoned is something that hit just a little too close to home. Her story of just trying to be a good friend–of being there for someone who doesn’t appreciate what you’re trying to do–it hurts more than I care to really say.
Having been in such a relationship, it forces me to look at all my current and future relationships in a tainted light. I ask myself toxic questions about my worth.
What if I'm not good enough?
What if they leave me too?
What can I do to keep them with me?
Spinel illustrates this perfectly. And when she finds out Pink Diamond is gone, she’s forced to confront the fact that she really had been abandoned. That her best friend had left her without a second thought. Let me tell you, that moment of realization can push even the happiest, kindest people over the edge.
So when she finds someone new, someone with the potential to fill the void she doesn’t even remember at the time, she clings to Steven without hesitation. Her burst of anger when Steven tried to leave her and the confusion when she sees him with the rest of the Crystal Gems without her are cracks in the armor of starting over.
Spinel’s anger, her feelings of loss, are not only understandable but justified. She deserved to feel the way she does. Every ounce of hurt, every instinct to lash out was valid. Maybe wanting to hurt people as badly as you’ve been hurt isn’t a “good” reaction but I can’t say I don’t understand.
It’s not easy to let go of the pain that’s been ruling your life for 6,000 years.
“You don’t understand! You can’t change how I feel!”Spinel, Steven Universe The Movie
At this point, I had tears in my eyes.
Like I said, it’s not easy to let go of pain and when you let it fester it can quickly turn to anger. And let’s be honest, it’s easier to direct your pain outwards; To throw a punch at someone else instead accepting the pain in your heart.
When you’re angry it’s easier not to feel your own pain. When you focus on the hate–feeding the flames–you can forget how empty and alone you feel.
The idea of hope- of a future beyond the shit in your present, is something so beautiful that a damaged heart can’t always bring itself to believe in it. Accepting that change for the better is possible is hard enough, but the idea of shouldering the effort to make that change yourself can be more than some people can bear.
Spinel is heartbreakingly relatable. More, i think, than any character I’ve seen before.
But she’s only a part of the story.
Until next time x