What I Want to Say

You say you love me

and I believe you.


at least I want to.

But I can’t say it back.

I still can’t say it back.

Not aloud and certainly not to myself

I almost hoped I could

It’s been three years now

why can’t I move on?

Why can’t I just forget all that happened?

Why can’t things go back to the way they were

When I was happy with your blissful ignorance

When you were content to see me the way you wanted to

When we could coexist

Never actually looking into each others’ eyes

But we weren’t happy, blissful, or content

I wasn’t happy or content

And now

I’m still not

Not with the way things are between us

You see

I’m still angry

Still upset by the things you did and what you’ve said

I’m still hurting

And I can’t forgive you

I will never forgive you for the pain you’ve caused me

So I don’t know if I will ever say I love you again

Because I don’t know if you deserve it.

Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash

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