A promise to the boy who broke me

Being here makes you sick

You say that it’s not me

It’s you

You use these words to try to reassure me

They don’t

They cut deeper than any blade I’ve pressed into my skin

The sting of a razor is nothing new

Not after those words

And nothing you say will ever redeem that

You were sick

In order to heal

In order to get well

You must cut out the infection

Excise the disease

I am the disease

I am a plague

I only ever bring you pain

I will only ever bring you sadness

But even so…

I come back

Every

Single

Time

I bring you pain and sadness

And yet

I still insist on being a part of your life

Have I learned nothing?

I don’t want to hurt you anymore

So

I will smile

I promise to smile

To not make you worry

To wear a mask of happiness

I swear to lock my heart away

And never let my emotions harm you ever again

And still

This voice

This evil

This demon inside

Wants to cause more pain

More suffering

It wants you to read this

So you can see my pain, my suffering, my sadness

But I can’t let that happen

So I’ll wear a smile

And let you see that instead

I promise

~ Quill x

P.S. This thing was a bitch to actually make myself publish. But here goes nothing.